twist and shout

down, down, down, down.

posted by hon @ 12:31 AM

pseudobulbar palsy

posted by hon @ 2:38 AM

不気味な沈黙

posted by hon @ 7:23 AM

God, Forgive Me When I Whine


Today, upon a bus,
I saw a girl with golden hair.
I envied her, she seemed so gay,
And I wished I was as fair.
When suddenly she rose to leave,
I saw her hobble down the aisle.
She had one leg and used a crutch.
But as she passed, she gave a smile.

Oh, God, forgive me when I whine.
I have 2 legs, the world is mine.

I stopped to buy some candy.
The lad who sold it had such charm.
I talked with him, he seemed so glad.
If I were late, it'd do no harm.
And as I left, he said to me,
"I thank you, you've been so kind.
It's nice to talk with folks like you.
You see," he said, "I'm blind."

Oh, God, forgive me when I whine.
I have 2 eyes, the world is mine.

Later while walking down the street,
I saw a child with eyes of blue.
He stood and watched the others play.
He seemed not to know what to do.
I stopped a moment and then I said,
"Why don't you join the others dear?"
He looked ahead without a word.
And then I knew he couldn't hear.

Oh, God, forgive me when I whine.
I have 2 ears, the world is mine.
With feet to take me where I'd go.
With eyes to see the sunset's glow.
With ears to hear what I'd know.
Oh, God, forgive me when I whine
I've been blessed indeed, the world is mine.

posted by hon @ 7:35 AM

"The end of an ox is beef, and the end of a lie is grief.” -African proverb

posted by hon @ 5:16 AM

"You may not be her first, her last, or her only. She loved before she may love again. But if she loves you now, what else matters? She’s not perfect - you aren’t either, and the two of you may never be perfect together but if she can make you laugh, cause you to think twice, and admit to being human and making mistakes, hold onto her and give her the most you can. She may not be thinking about you every second of the day, but she will give you a part of her that she knows you can break - her heart. So don’t hurt her, don’t change her, don’t analyze and don’t expect more than she can give. Smile when she makes you happy, let her know when she makes you mad, and miss her when she’s not there."
-Bob Marley

posted by hon @ 6:41 AM

When angry, count four; when very angry, swear. ~Mark Twain

posted by hon @ 7:36 AM

“Go as far as you can. Become a stranger in a strange land. Acquire humility."

recently, i've been indulging in the works of great photographers.
Steve McCurry is pretty damn awesome.

posted by hon @ 2:24 AM

we've gotta go Catch the last durians of the season!

posted by hon @ 9:12 PM

wide-eyed in the still of the night.
there are too many hearts breaking, too much a mess of swirls of emotions, and uncanny (or not) fears of losing loved ones these coupla days.

tonight, i speak to han again, after a mighty long time. we are growing up too quickly- it's been six years since we took the train home together from mount sinai, having just got to know each other in that new phase of our lives, talking about the refreshing future that was then. a few years less since we took the train after friday floorball played out in the spanking new hall in the new campus, talking/teasing about potential happiness. tonight, on the train after a torturingly hot evening ridden with sadness, unspoken regrets and unanswered questions, (and great moments of lightness and gulls :) ) we speak of darkness and fears. well, take these helping hands and we'll make it, we swear.

rest up, eli.

times like this reaffirm why i am a non-believer.

"When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle.
Then I realised God doesn’t work that way, so I stole
one and prayed for forgiveness."

posted by hon @ 2:56 AM

barely 2 weeks into the cardiology posting, and i lose... heart. pardon the pun.
i lost steam so damn quickly, i worry about how i will go through the final year of school. this new year, (and good lord, for the rest of my working life !!) i must not (can not) take off/ hibernate whenever caffeine doesn't deliver a kick when it's needed.

for now, what looms ahead is another 3 week break, and i am raring to go again. (laos?)

and i will be looking out for the little drummer boy's adventures in france.


cool beans, eh? a pity the photo turned out a little fuzzy.
the water level in the reservoir has risen since ten years ago...

posted by hon @ 6:14 AM

"Hon 's undies fell onto the floor in the MRT train this morning (from her bag; what were you thinking!?) and she was torn between stuffing them back into her bag or ignoring them."

on sunday, i had lunch at a veggie farm, visited frog and goat farms, and went kite! flying!. good ol' kampong daze. and that wasn't all- the day ended in a not-so-mini blaze of fireworks.

posting at the heart centre has been jolly interesting too. it's the most clinical work (brain-numbing consults aka blue letters in pennsy not counted) i've gotten done since... last year.

posted by hon @ 10:44 PM

always turning to run
from the people i should not be afraid of
and darling, you should know
that i have fantasies about being alone
it’s like love is a lesson
i can’t learn
so i make the same mistakes at each familiar turn

posted by hon @ 4:05 AM

New Orleans- The Big Easy

"where ya at?"

i went to New Orleans for 5 days, on a whim, (got the tickets 1.5 days before leaving) mainly to catch Jazz Fest and enjoy some good food. now, i've got a crazy story involving a naked mannequin, a swell vietnamese family, floral arrangements, cabinets and granite tops, car/van rides with not-my-kind-of-music that grew on me, beignets/ spicy crawfish/ crab/ charbroiled oysters/ hugeass illegal burritos/ po-boys/ gator meat/ lamb ribs with twins Ella and Hudson/ jazz fest!, dogs, much care, concern, incredulity and laughs. kinda reminiscent of the time i met Saa and Jacky Ponthep in south Thailand, but to another different level- i ended up staying with the Vus for five days!

"i wake every evening
with a big smile on my face
and it never feels out of place
you're still probably working
at a 9 to 5 pace
wonder how that tastes"
- steve's song

i realised that i have indeed fallen deeply in like with Philly-

i slept fitfully on the flights (layover at Atlanta) to NOLA. was badly lacking sleep again- 3h at ludlow the morning before rushing with Peng Fei (off to San Diego then Latvia with the other three) to the R1 line at 30th St (via the Market-Frankford blue line westbound going to Frankford) from 40th St station which has become so familiar (i take the subway every morning; it's sad that i never once ran to work, (but i do jog to the subway) and only cycled twice- i stopped cos it was too damn cold, and i guess i was always too late after that, after gchatting, to do that again in warmer weather and i kinda didn't want to be riding home in the dark at 8pm, which is the time we knock off sometimes after wasting much time! :( )

disjointed thoughts as i was awakened repeatedly by the child thrashing in the seat behind me- recollecting the events just past ie: cookout/dinner with the girls/ the birthday cake Fiona lugged home from Chinatown/ buddycast!/ lunch with Chris (off to Botswana) at University Hall/ HeyDay (this dirty, drunken event where juniors march down the campus while getting pelt by eggs/sauces/etc and officially turn seniors at the end of the route)/ dinner at Bistro Romano with eternal chatter that's always so fun/ Penn relay (where Olympic champions competed too)/...



---------------

yup, "happy birthday, Hon." thanks a mil for the greetings- that's all i need/want- they make me feel warm and fuzzy inside. really, my birthday isn't a big deal at all to me- it's just another day. though it is a big deal that... i spent it @ Jazz Fest in New Orleans, Louisiana this year!

btw i am feeling detached from the big hoo-ha regarding the swine flu alerts in SG. it's good to play it safe, but it seems to me that we might be exaggerating matters/putting on a show. then again i am biased by the much more laid back attitude here in the states. (no one can believe that i will be ?quarantined for 7-14 days when i return!)

talking about that- i do not want to go back. i was already fearing feeling stifled and claustrophobic as it was -and now they slap on that quarantine on me. the past 3 months away from home has been a jolly good experience and while i am away, ties with mom and dad have strengthened in some ways, and i appreciate that lots too, among many other non-material gains that makes me feel all swirled up inside and rethink my decisions.

well with regards to material things- oh damn, i shopped too much for my own good! i came with 10kg of baggage, and i leave with 28kg- 25kg magically stuffed into a bagpack which i miraculously managed to carry for 9 blocks in Philly, (thanks be to Yingheng for handling my carry-ons and sending me off- and thanks, Jerome and Liyang, for running to the station with cookies! obviously i can't thank Fion enough) and another 10- 15 blocks in SoHo/ Greenwich village. in NYC, folks were most encouraging as i tottered uptown to meet Tian, as stoically as i could, with all the load, as night descended. it was good to see the boys- ZJ, Jerry and Tian again, and other other meddies too for dinner- let's not forget that i bumped into two other RJ folks on the streets and my cousin was roaming around not too far away. "welcome to sg in nyc" indeed.

i met Huda for lunch, by the Rat (inflated giant rat, symbol of the union workers' protests), and she was so right to say that there were ten things happening around her at the same time. i <3 NY for all that bustle, life, and freedom. and yes, i <3 Philly, and the folks and jazz in NOLA.

i am leaving all too soon!

posted by hon @ 6:29 PM

last day at Pennsy (hospital)! finally! the hospital is too small, with a very narrow range of cases- what happened to lupus nephritis, transplant patients, etc? alost all that i ever saw was "ARF (+/- on CKD) 2* to volume depletion (+/- element of CHF)" or hyponatremia 2* SIADH in elderly patients with chronic pain/SDH/malignancies. after the first week, it was "sian ji pua"... the learning curve plateaued, and i suspect, started to dip downwards- maybe it made a full circle. folks at the hospital are friendly enough. turns out most of them thought i was part of the american med school system, doing my time in this small stifling hospital, waiting for my next rotation at HUP. (hospital of pennsylvania- a much bigger and eye-opening hospital, they all tell me. sure wish i went there. what were the Dean's Office plans for me??) so it was a rapid fun exchange of stories when the residents learnt that i was leaving. a pity that came late.

so long, dr Koe.the! (one of three nephrologist$ in pennsy for whom i did consults (blue letters, ughhh) for 3 weeks.) so long, Kristin Bren.nan! (med student, also mother of 2 year old. we became allies only in week 2.5 when we established a common enemy- the supervisor who talks too much and keeps us in the hospital till 8pm every night simply cos we start ward rounds at 3-4pm because he was doing private clinic con$ultations and well, talking more than is work efficient though he does throw out pearls of wisdom) i'd think i didn't enjoy a "vigorous american education" when i was here; the academic component of my trip = Fail.

but! otherwise, life @ Penn is awesome. a lot of it has got to do with the folks i guess. there are a lot of singaporeans here on the NUS NOC program, and they are most welcoming and hospitable. i am staying with Fiona, who was most kind to clear her room out to accommodate me, and she's done more than that to make me feel at home, and is also most motherly, constantly fretting over me it's most touching. Crispy (Crispina is really her name! she is bubbly ++) and Ben are my other accommodating housemates. it's fun also, hanging out outdoors with the rest when the weather is fine, and at dinnertime eg @ Ludlow house where company is really good.

and there is Chris, my Penn peer house, who is always there to answer any questions and who brought me to the naked chocolate cafe, and Fairmount Park for the Philly cherry blossoms fest. and then there is Hian Yi, who on first impression is uncannily like me, with whom the most glorious saturday morning (incidentally that was the weekend of the famous uPenn Spring Fling- a mighty fun weekend it was, with minimal sleep. ...oh! the weather was so good!) was spent with watching, or rather, trying to find, Fiona play rugby at Fairmount and cycling downtown and then having a bunch a fries/milkshake at MickyDees when it's late and cold. and of course there is Yingheng and Sang, folks who know me so well i want to hug them to bits. thanks, guys.

right, back to today- escaped early to try Jim's Philly Cheesesteak along south street- good stuff! unlike the cheesesteak crepe at Houston Hall... and strolled down to the river (little did i know that i'd be back there again two nights later) before grocery shopping at Whole Foods- amazing supermarket- for dinner at Ludlow which i was spozed to prepare 50% of, but Janicia ("KNS!" with swirling hand movements) Choon Han and Peng Fei ended up doing most of my share while Hian Yi stoically worked on a giant fish.

i am falling in like with Philly...

posted by hon @ 11:54 PM

NYC -> Philly -> DC -> Philly -> Niagara Falls -> NYC (again, can't seem to get enough of it) -> Philly -> ??

one week in NYC was barely enough to take in all that activity, long walks, good food, good people. i landed, groggy after several hours in a noisy, uncomfortable plane, (China Eastern Airlines- it is in the culture of the Chinese people, it seems, to order the flight attendants around most vigorously) poorly, if at all, dressed for sub-zero temperatures. my great plans to catch the airbus, then the Long Island Rail, then the subway, then walk to Hyan's apartment was quelled by the cold, and the fact that the plane was delayed. i was most glad to share a cab with a NYU law student/asian studies enthusiast.

the cold gusty weather was there to stay pretty much till the day i was leaving the city. many layers of clothes, brisk walking, and a gazillion cuppas saw me through each day till i returned at night to 80th and Amsterdam feeling quite battered, fingers and toes blue, but satisfied. there is no need for a plan in this city, if you are spending more than a couple of days there- you'll get round to most places eventually; everything is within 'walkable distance' (this phrase, dreaded, and condemned as a lie anytime it is spoken in response to a query for directions in India, holds true in NYC.) on the day i left for Philly, the weather was t-shirt-only-and-jeans comfortable, the perfect day for a hamburger at Shake Shack at Madison Square. Huda, pastry chef, queued up for a good... 2h? (i can't remember now- it was an incredibly long time anyway) for our burgers. yummy- it'd better be.

more about the subsequent weeks in the states in a bit...

posted by hon @ 7:21 PM

day 1: jaipur: we take an elephant ride up the fort. if i remember correctly, my she-elephant was called jumpa.


then we drive ?250km to agra, and wake up early the next morning with the intention of catching sunrise at the taj mahal but we end up waiting for that snotty henna-hair-dyed guide whom we ultimately tipped pitiably because he was such.. a pain. i'd told the boys i was travelling with (liwei, joel, suriya) that i wouldn't leave india without seeing the Taj Mahal and they'd taken me seriously (i was very serious) hence the late change of plans to fly to the north instead of starting our travels/electives in the south.


after a few days of living it up in hotels in the north, we find it hard to accept the shitty conditions in the hospital annex of sri ramachandra medical college in porur, chennai. seriously, roaches and rats? and depressingly stained walls.. things looked up when we finally switched to A/C rooms, after changing rooms ?5 times, after checking out, what, ?14 rooms.


the beach near city centre in chennai has been cleaned up! these kite runners are cute stuff, though they cut my kite several times.


you will not catch any local female exposing their calves in chennai, even at the beach.


contrastingly, mahabalipuram is hippie-town. perhaps as hippie as india gets.


we'd woken up at.. ?4am to catch our ride down to mahabalipuram but missed sunrise (again) by a few minutes. this time, it was the driver who was late. then again, it was (rare) cloudy day anyways..




further down along ECR (east coast road- the highway in the south that runs along the.. east coast) we come to kalpakkum where suriya lived when he was very little. this is nasserin, the adopted daughter of uncle iqbal, our very cool host. she is standing on the roof of her home, where they leave coconut shells out to dry. i play five stones with nasserin for the longest time. and these are real stones we handle btw. ECR holds also memories of the crazy motorcycle ride with speed demon hamza when i actually begged him to slow down because we were going to Die, but he thought i'd meant he was too slow... kalpakkum will be remembered for great hospitality, briyani and.. puri!


even further down south is pondicherry of which i'd high expectations of. but the overall gloomy disposition of folks that evening made this a boo-boo trip.


after our second trip to kalpakkum, this time for yasser's wedding, i decide to skip school and spend friday at CMC, vellore where mag, violet and other folks were. CMC (christian medical college) is such a great place! motivated, clever students, PGs and doctors for one. and vellore's such a cozy town that's so much cleaner to boot. we take two long bus rides from k to v, transiting at kancheepuram. after which we took a bus to bagayam, not before going on a bus that was heading in the opposite direction.


crazy cotton candy boys who were initially grouchily trying to make sales and were unhappy that we'd only bought one packet but they cracked up when we began a tossing game of the toxic-looking candy through the bus window. this was outside the vellore golden temple where phototaking is strictly prohibited. it was all a bit strange, the devotion for one particular man whose picture was hung up all over the temple grounds.




the first week we were in campus, there weren't students around because of strikes in tamil nadu triggered by the persecution of the tamil tigers in sri lanka. demonstrations continued through our stay and here, these are folks who lined up ?3km along the road, raising flags and chanting, for a while before they dispersed for dinner.


and this is Bombay, Baby. when we got lost with kuku and boomba getting back from worli to andehri, the first bit of fun in bombay that day after long hours of sitting in a posh condominium apartment to which we were invited for a housewarming party. eventually, we managed to cover ground in colaba (taj hotel, leopold cafe), bandra, juhu beach, bandstand, etc and believe me, t'was a relieve to be out on the streets. oh oh and we met a bollywood actress, a crime news tv presenter, pilot (to-be) and pilots of the bosses of the TATA group. the former 3 are siblings by the way and we had good coffee/cake with the latter.

posted by hon @ 11:56 PM

so. i am back in sg and i am feeling... lost. strange, ennit. i guess this is post-travel blues. i guess i miss india. i guess i am not ready for usa yet.

had helluva good time at mag's place- her family threw a homecoming party. great food, drinks and company; her 89-year-old gramps is a coolio ol' dude who lectured on bisacodyl and the bark of some tree. at 4.30 am, i was wide awake after chugging down masala tea (and tea leaves) and running madly in the carpark in a futile attempt to reach the car before the carpark wardens (aka Fatimahs) issued summons. luckily (or not) i haven't got postings these two weeks.

it's hard to describe what i have seen of and what i feel about india. when pressed, i repeat the same comments about how it is so 'colourful', how the locals are so warm, and then how the poverty/inefficiency is heartwrenching/despairing. ugh, the lack of expressivity.

(dammit, i am grumpy again! i'd like to blame the awfully wet weather..)

posted by hon @ 12:45 PM

Frustration, Incorporated.

i marvel at the incompetence of some -no, scratch that- Many interns and postgrads in this hospital. lazy, unmotivated, useless fools who taint the profession ought to be... (help me think of terrible things that should happen to them.)

that being said, there are Gems around- clever, inspirational, efficient, caring doctors. with them around, i despair less for the poor patients.

india is otherwise, really, a very beautiful place.

though the poverty is heart-wrenching- it's worst when a glass window (lit.) separates opulent fatty people heavily-laden with ghee and gold from the gritty, dirty, impoverished folks on the streets. too many sad images come to mind.

okay, to speak of happier things (i am usually much happier! esp on weekends!! -we travel outside of Chennai on weekends) i shall retrace my steps since arriving in india on the 4th day of CNY:

in the north, we visited Delhi, Jaiphur and Agra. Delhi's bustling with activity! the elephant ride in Jaiphur was very surprisingly enjoyable. Agra is where Taj Mahal is- need i say more?

then we came down south to Chennai (which i really dont like, most unfortunately, cos that's where i am based for 5 weeks) and we covered much of the city centre with Varun and spent a day with Rifa (girl from B'lore) and Kameesh. on the weekends out so far, we've been to Kalpakkum, Mahabalipuram, Pondicherry, somewhere else along East Coast Road (the highway) and Bangalore. fun, fun, fun.

well, this is a poorly thought out post (it's not a good idea to talk about happy things in a post that stems from Fire/Anger cos the grumpiness just clouds jolly feelings, doesn't it.) that shall remain till i find (positive) motivation to write again. (in this Stuffy, dimly-lit internet cafe where people surf porn, eeks.)

speaking of jolly feelings, hello, i am chubby ?bubbly tubby!

posted by hon @ 2:33 AM

i am in india, and loving it.

posted by hon @ 12:33 AM